Never Again will I...

Everyone Needs A Captain (America)

05/08/2012 14:30:00

Definition of a Leader: A person who directs a military force or unit: a person who has commanding authority or influence

So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart,
And guided them by the skillfulness of his hands -Psalm 78:72

Be shepherds of God's flock, the believers who are under your care. Serve as their leaders. Don't serve them because you have to.Instead, do it because you want to. That's what God wants you to do. Don't do it because you want to get more and more money. Do it because you really want to serve -1 Peter 5:2

I am a huge fan of leadership and the importance of not only leading, but leading by example. As my Wife and I watched the Summer Blockbuster film Avengers I couldn’t help but notice how all the Superhero’s once meeting one another had to fill each other out to see who would be the “Leader” of the conglomerate assembled by nick fury

Enter Steve Rogers aka Captain America who is authentically old school at its best. Although he might not have the strength and intimidation of The Hulk, the sleek, multi weapons and show off skills of Iron Man, the Greek God power and looks of Thor, in the midst of adversity the team depended on Captain America to defeat Loki in their darkest hour.

I noticed how Captain America utilized everyone according to their skillset and in return the Avengers were able to close the portal and defeat the foot soldiers. In the same way as Husbands, we should lead our homes. Utilize your children that will give them the confidence and security they need. Let your Wife flow in her God given gifts and talents by giving her the love,affection and provision needed. Husbands need to be sacrificing for their families so they will leave a leadership and spiritual legacy. Most important of all Husbands need to spend time alone with God to see how He leads us as His children.

-Leadership looks out for the best of the team, not selfish motives. He is concerned about chemistry of the team and not playing favorites

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others –Phil 2:4

-Leadership will help when needed; not just sit on a throne and delegate

Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant -Matthew 20:26

-Leadership is selflessness. When the team wins, WE win!

All of you have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind -1 Pet 3:8

For more on this topic listen in to The Doctor of Love Show

Living Under Stress: Trying To Impress Others

04/26/2012 13:30:00

The average American is now labeled as a “consumer” because of our spending habits. When was the last time you went a day without spending any money? This chapter is in no way to take away from enjoying yourself financially, if God has blessed you abundantly enjoy yourself! Although I believe God still want us to be good stewards over what we have weather in much or little. I wrote this chapter with the mindset of being in position to be a blessing to others. My wife and I make it our business to make sure we are able to give to others without any strings attached and I’m talking about beyond tithes and offerings to the church, that’s automatic. Any person who asks God for wisdom in finances should automatically be tithers in their local church. God is so fair He only want a tenth out of your obedience. You shall truly tithe all the increase of your grain that the field produces year by year –Deut. 14:22 giving is truly a blessing!

Why not have enough money to be able to give to others without breaking your savings account? If your lifestyle only allows you to break even every month, why not cut back on some expenses? Give and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return –Luke 6:38 some people have the misconception that hoarding money will make one wealthier in our dog eat dog society. I believe this is a selfish mentality coupled with the mindset of I will take my money to the grave with me. I’ve never seen a dead man spend money or wish they had more money when they are upon their deathbed. I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned –Eccl. 2:18

I remember the people in my neighborhood used to play a game called “big bank take little bank” and during this game, (which I might add was very violent) two people will go into their own pocket to see who had the most cash in their pocket. Whoever had the most money on hand would win and therefore take the person money that had less than them. At any given moment this game could be played in our neighborhood so people came prepared, only to try and impress those who were around. I said all that to say are we living to try and impress others although it will hurt us financially? Our neighbors get a new car and we want one too but are you willing to pay the car note? Our neighbors add space to their home and we want to add space to our home too, but are you willing to pay for the materials needed to increase your home square footage? Can we ever be truly content with what we have? Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content -Eccl. 1:8

I know we like to preach and teach the prosperity message and I am a believer in the prosperity message but sometimes our true blessings can come with downgrading. Who cares what others say about you, they aren’t sleeping with you at night or paying your bills. Do what’s best for your family in order to survive. True wisdom from God that is applied to our lives will protect us from disastrous events happening in our lives. Although life is real and things will arise in our lives using wisdom can be a bridge over troubled waters. Example: Got a five bedroom house and only your spouse and you live there? What are you going to do with the extra space? If finances are tight, why not get a smaller house and save what you were spending on the five bedroom house note? Using that wisdom can possibly prevent a couple from going into foreclosure. Why not payoff your car notes and then save what you were spending on the car note to pay off debt? I once saw an interview on Warren Buffet and he pay for his cars in cash, now here he is a millionaire with no car note…

For more information on this topic listen in to Doctor of Love Show on Maintaining Your Finances

5 qualities of a spouse that contribute to a millionaire success

03/10/2012 17:42:00

So the question is how do you handle these “storms” in life without giving up? Sometimes giving up sounds like the best option. Remember: quitting is easy because you can drop everything you are doing with your life right then and there. The single mom who quits on her child and abandons him while she goes somewhere else to “start over.” The nice guy who tries to be a gentlemen to women trying to get a date only to keep hearing “you’re too nice” only to find out years later he turns into an abuser to women because of consistent rejection in his past. The teenager who tries out for the basketball team two years in a row and during the third time he don’t consider trying out because in his mind he played out a scenario being cut from the team already.

It’s up to us not to quit when things go south. We have the responsibility of making a sound decision not just for ourselves but to those who are close to us. Steven Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People he states “Look at the word responsibility-“response-ability” –the ability to choose your response.” We have the ability to respond when problems come our way. How does your spouse respond when problems come your way? Does he/she stand strong in the midst of adversity or do they crumble when the pressure is on? Or do you trust God with your situation knowing that He has your back? Does your wife want you to step out on faith and start the business? Are you willing to make some sacrifices until you get to your wealthy place? If you are reading this blog, you know what your spouse can and can do without. I understand that women need security so when you step out with the vision that God gives you how does she respond? In The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J. Stanley he states the top five qualities of a spouse that contributed to millionaires’ successful marriages:

-Honest

-Responsible

-Loving

-Capable

-Supportive

To all married women, you are a huge part of your family success if you are willing to be a part of the vision. I know there are some married couples who have two different visions in one household; his vision/her vision. Some women feel that they lose their identity if they “submit” to their husband’s vision. And to my men, sometimes your wife is waiting on you to go forth with the vision but you’re too comfortable at your current job. Once I was over a couples’ house and the husband was sharing with me his vision and I thought it was a very good idea. Later on that night we all sitting in his kitchen and I told his wife “has he told you about his new idea?” with a look on my face as if I was not supposed to tell her. “Yea, he told me and I am waiting on him to go for it.” Can you imagine? His wife was waiting on him to push forth the vision but I believed he was comfortable with his current job. He was making good money and had good insurance, why would he want to step out?

I believe God want us to live the abundant life I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly - John 10:10 It’s a powerful thing when a married couple can agree on the same vision. As for me, I was tired of working a regular job everyday just to pay the bills and keep a roof over my family head. To some people they are content with getting up every morning (for the rest of your life) and going to the same job picking up the same check every two weeks and expect for something to change. But I realized that in order to get something you never had before you have to do something you never done. What is it that you never done before in order to get some different results in your life?

Tired of the same circumstances? Reposition Yourself

03/08/2012 12:45:00

I wanted to piggyback off T.D. Jakes book Repositioning Yourself a book he wrote some time ago. This book was life changing for me so I had to blog about it. T.D. Jakes speak about trying something new so your results can be different in life. Whatever your issue is, or whatever you can’t seem to conquer you must reposition whatever is holding you from making progress.

Merriam-Webster’s defines the word Reposition: To change the position of. To revise the marketing strategy for (a product or a company) so as to increase sales.

I am a football fanatic so stay with me. I thought this illustration might help someone. Former NFL star Tiki Barber who played for the N.Y. Giants from 1997-2006 learned how to reposition himself late in his short NFL career. Tiki was a great running back but he had one issue; fumbling the football. Everyone knows that fumbling the football is a big “no no” in the NFL. If you have a fumbling problem, you will not be around the NFL for long. Some players joke around with the acronym for N.F.L. stands for Not For Long. In 2002 and 2003 Barber lost six fumbles in both seasons. Now the great running backs only lose one or two footballs all season. In the 2002 season, on Dec 28 Tiki lost three fumbles alone against the Eagles. But in 2004, new coach Tom Coughlin taught Tiki to reposition the way he carried the football vertically instead of horizontally. After Barber made this change, his fumbles dropped dramatically in 2004. Barber only lost two fumbles. And in those seasons 2004, 2005 Barber lead the NFL in total yards.

Nothing changed, in the NFL teams still played 16 game seasons, teams still stacked the line to stop Barber from having big games, teams still tried to strip the ball from him. Nothing changed but he did. Barber learned to reposition himself.

How can I reposition myself? One might ask. Here’s how:

· Instead of blaming your wife for your issues check yourself.

· Be responsible. For example: My child mother won’t let me see my child. The real question is have you made an attempt to see and spend time with your child?

· Living beyond your paycheck? Instead of having a five bedroom house, sell that house and buy a three bedroom house. Come on, you have a household of three people (your wife, you and a boy).

Nothing in your life will change overnight. Remember your situation might not change, but you can change. You may still have bad credit, overweight, you don’t understand your spouse, but if you reposition yourself, you will become victorious and things will change. It might be awkward at first, I can see Tiki Barber in training camp wondering how to hold this ball vertically instead of horizontally and I’m sure it took practice, and the people tackling him on top of that but he still became victorious. Whatever your hang up or issue is, start today and it might be awkward but just keep disciplining yourself and see what happen. Just reposition yourself.

WISDOM: Preventing problems before they happen Chapter 2: Wisdom in Marriage

03/01/2012 16:46:00

I think a lot of times women put a lot of responsibility on themselves when it comes to work and their family. Men are more casual when it comes to helping out with the children homework and cooking. Times has changed because it takes two incomes to survive (depending how much one makes and the lifestyle the family live) so the Husband has to step up with chores around the house. Just like she work and we as men expect her to cook and take care of the children, we have to be more domestic around the home ourselves.

What about arguments? We can avoid arguments when we use wisdom. For example: If you know your wife nags about you taking out the trash, why don’t you do it ahead of time? See how this can prevent arguments? When we fall victim to the spirit of “I don’t feel like it” we must be willing to deal with the consequences. Some people wouldn’t care and deal with the consequences because they don’t want to feel as if their spouse has control over them by doing something ahead of time because it is a desire of the other spouse. It’s not about control, but it can be a form of pride because you don’t want someone to have that kind of power over you. If your husband is a man of structure and order, why not fall in line with what he is asking?

Whatever that “it” is do it ahead of time and fight past the emotions just to save some peace in your home. What is it we do when we want a favor from our spouse or we want to“butter them up” we think about everything they like and we do it for them ahead of time, setting the atmosphere hoping that will play the catalyst to get what we are asking from our spouse. For example, a wife wants to go on a family vacation but her husband is putting a lot of hours in at work. She knows what he’s going to say but what is it she does? She fixes his favorite dinner and she wears something very enticing to his eyes. Why does she go through all that? Hoping he will say yes to go on the vacation by giving him what he likes. What if we done these things for our spouse with no strings attached and simply because we love them unconditionally?

Sample of my New Book: WISDOM:Preventing Problems Before They Happen

02/22/2012 23:16:00

I believe one reason it’s easy to start than to finish is the adrenaline we get embarking on a new adventure with so many hopes and dreams, not thinking of what it will cost us in time and money. Ecclesiastes 7:8 says Finishing is better than starting so when we see an assignment through, in the process we are building self-control and stamina making us stronger for future assignments.

Knowing the season we are in will prepare us spiritually and mentally. If there’s a season of you loving your wife past her past issues or a husband who need his confidence built up during the time of being unemployed God will give you the strength to help your spouse get through those tough times.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all –Ps. 34:19

Using wisdom in different seasons will keep one sane because knowing is half the battle. Maybe you have to fast more or pray more or even give more financially to help get you through a certain season. There are times when God blesses us exceedingly and abundantly and we have to learn how to enjoy those times! Often we get caught up in “I came out of a storm and since things are going good I’m headed into another storm.” Yes it’s true to a degree but why not enjoy NOW? We rarely can enjoy today because we are thinking about next Tuesday. Jesus said don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today –Matt. 6:34 take the time to relax in your bathtub with candles lit and read a book or simply take a nap and let your body rest. It’s seems as if we try to outdo each other by being the busiest “well I had to do this, this and this…” and then someone else responds “Well that wasn’t anything! How about doing this, this and this?” We are steadily trying to impress people but killing ourselves slowly.

When I was growing up the TV actually went off at a certain time of the night, all the stores were closed on Sunday and cartoons only came on certain times of the day. Now everything is open 24 hours a day, alcohol is sold on Sundays and there is always something on TV let alone the Internet. I think we lose focus on seasons because we are always alert; lacking rest by an email or text message or a social networking site. I will be the first to admit, I’m going strong around the clock because I’m what you call a “go-getter” whether it’s writing a book, working on the ministry or preparing for a speaking engagement or our weekly radio show The Doctor of Love Show.

My wife has done a great job of helping me to slow down because there is always something to be done. People would call me “Dexter in the Lab” because I was always up to something. But as I matured (and started to listen more to my wife) I realized my projects aren’t going anywhere and there is a time and a place for those things. Sometimes it seem like people want an “all or nothing” attitude where I’m going 100 miles per hour being productive or being passive with their time. We have to learn that there can be a healthy balance and still live a fulfilling life

A false balance is an abomination to the LORD –Prov. 11:1

Even God taken a break on the seventh day, so who are we to try and live without proper rest? Don’t worry about tomorrow, God is already there.

3 Ways How Marriage Help Us Become Christ-like

02/21/2012 17:36:00

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things -1Cor. 13:7

I've been married for over ten years now and I have come to find out that I've learned so much from my wife about me and my habits and the things I do that get on her nerves. The cool thing is this: she still love me despite my hang ups. God is the same way with His children. He loves us despite our hang ups because of the blood of Jesus.

When single, no one can really tell you about you because you don't live with someone twenty four hours a day. When single, one would like to think they have it all together because there is no one to tell you to pick your socks off the floor or take out the trash. It's only you and you can leave the socks wherever you like or take out the trash whenever you ready. In marriage we have to always make a conscious decision with our spouse in mind first or consider they way they feel about certain things. Let's look at three ways how marriage help us become Christ-like:

Through Patience

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not -Gal. 6:9

What is it your spouse do that get on your nerves? Are you waiting for them to make a change on that bad habit of theirs? We just have to love them regardless because trying to change your spouse will only make things more stressful. God use our spouse to help make us patient.

Through Sacrifice

There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends -John 15:13

Wanted to get something for yourself yet it was something your spouse or child needed first? Is it something your spouse like for you to do, but you don't care much about? Yet we do it to put a smile on their face because it matters to them. God use our spouse and children to help us understand how to sacrifice.

Through Forgiveness

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends -Prov. 17:9

Has your spouse done something that hurt you? Maybe they struggle with taming their tongue, flesh or maybe somewhat inconsiderate? Many people like to bail out and divorce during this time. But if we are to take our wedding vows seriously we should stay with our spouse until death do us apart. We are forgiven through Jesus so how much more should we forgive? God teaches us how to forgive each other through our spouse.

Have you become more Christ-like since marriage?

The Honeymoon is over, now what?

02/07/2012 23:52:00

Many couples jump right into marriage without any concern about their career goals or their mate’s career. Some of us don’t even have goals at all. We tend to fall in love with people who don’t have short term or long term plans. We don’t even ask if our partner has any long term plans. Some of us don’t care whether he is a Christian or not. As little girls, we dream of having a big wedding. We want out Prince Charming to come galloping along on his white horse, swoop us up and ride off into happily ever after. We want our prince to slay the dragon and rescue us from our mundane lives. After we are rescued by our prince and have run off into the sunset, then what? Do we live happily ever after? What exactly is happily ever after?

As adults, some of us are still looking for the fairy tale. Before we ride off with the man of our dreams we need to know where we want to go. Women spend too much time focusing on becoming a bride that they don’t spend any time developing themselves to be a good wife. In other words you need to know what type of lifestyle want to live. Our career plans and our life purpose needs to be taken into consideration and we must stick with that in order to have a happy life. Another question is do you have God in your life?

Ladies we need to know what we are looking for in a man so we can know if you can fit him into your life or if you can fit into his life. Say you decide you want to be a house wife and stay home and take care of the kids and you meet a man who is also looking for the same thing. Now all of a sudden you want to be a career woman, how will that work now? Well now here is the conflict. The argument happens. He doesn’t want anyone to take care of the children while you work. You have discovered that you are not happy being a stay at home mom.

Opposites only attract for a little while until the thrill runs out. And then you will start to get on each others nerves. Your husband’s drag racing career was exciting in the beginning but now you think it’s stupid. Before we get married we need to know who we are and what our purpose in life is. We need to know what we are looking for in a mate. So when he comes galloping along on that white horse you can ask him which way he is going so you can know whether to hop on or send him on down the road and wait on the one who is going in your same direction.

When we finally meet the right man, it will be like we’ve know him already because he will be like you. A happy marriage is understanding that you need to know who you are and your purpose for your life. Your goals and plans have to already be in place. His plans need to also be in place. So when you ride off into the sunset with your knight, you will know where you are going. The destination is not as important as the journey. And that is living happily ever after.

Click Here: This topic is being discussed now on the Doctor of Love Show

Are you willing to raise someone else child? Pt. 2: Divine Assignment

01/27/2012 01:48:00

I was asked to write a blog about the one with no kids dating someone with children. Interesting enough I thought this would make a great blog because anyone rarely talk about the one with no kids going into a marriage or relationship to the single parents with kids. So here are a few things I want the one without any children to consider before making that type of commitment. I am speaking from experience (my wife was a single parent for 12 years before we married).

One might ask "what is a divine assignment?" It is when the one without children know they heard from God that they should marry someone with children. This won't happen out of the blue, maybe it's someone you are dating has a child and you are really liking this person. That's when you go into prayer about what you should do. This isn't for everyone, because some think as long as they are in love with the parent and not the children the marriage will work. Many people divorce because they realize they have no control over their "step children." Let's look at Joseph in the Bible; he was called to a divine assignment to help raise the Savior of the world in Jesus. What a privilege for Joseph! But what if Joseph refused to father Jesus because He wasn't biologically his? Before one get into a relationship with someone who has children let's look at some factors before going into a relationship with the single parent:

-If you marry the person with a child, are you OK with the child if they never call you mom/dad even though you take care of them?

-Have you met the child parent? Is that parent slightly off their rocker? Some of the baby mom/dad are OK with the single parent until they get into a relationship. Now they realize someone else is in the picture so they might like to cause a little drama. Can you handle that?

-The child might be dealing with abandonment issues from their biological parent so what the child do in the process is act out sometimes in rebellious ways. If you hang with the child long enough, they might become attached to you. If the relationship don't work out the child is let down...again.

-Realize if you marry this person, it's a package deal. Not just you and their mom or dad, the child is included.

At the end of the day, the payoff is great! God can use anyone to get His will done in the earth. You never know who you will be raising, they can be the next president of the United States or next mega pastor! Will you be obedient if God has you on a divine assignment? That child might just need your love and discipline for them to become everything God has called them to be.

Click Here: This topic is being discussed on the Doctor of Love show

WHO MARRIED MY HUSBAND: Women who discover the truth about themselves after they say I do!

01/24/2012 01:38:00

When we meet a man, often times we have a bad habit of planning our future with him in our heads, and he hadn't even quite asked us out yet. We are quick to jump into relationships with a guy we hardly know that we loose sight of who we are. Especially, if you can’t remember the last time you were on a date. Too many women are turning a blind eye on their dreams and passions. We give up certain interest and hobbies just to fit into some man’s life style. And some of us stop spending time with family and friends.

Ladies, what are we afraid of, growing old alone and never becoming Mrs. so and so? Or are we so worried about our biological clock that we don’t have time to risk losing this wonderful guy by expressing our opinions. So therefore, we go on hiding our identities and living unfulfilled lives.

I have a friend who I’ll call Sherry. She likes going out dancing with her friends. But, when she met the man who was to become her husband, her dancing days stopped. Her husband doesn't like to dance and has no problem expressing that. Being so in love with him she gave it up. Now that they’re married, he is against her going out with her friends. She has to lie about her whereabouts in order to do the things she missed.

I have another friend we call the princess (because that’s what she acts like). I’m talking the girly girl type. She is all about the hair and makeup. She keeps her nails done and keeps up with the latest trends. Oh, and did I mention makeup? Her idea of fun is shopping and hanging out at the mall. Well, I haven’t seen her in a course of over a couple of months until she called me up one day to ask me to meet her for lunch. To my surprise when I saw her she did not look quite like her normal self. While hanging out she asked me if I knew where she could sell her ATV because she was tired of four wheeling out in the desert with her fiance. I paused for a moment. Yeah, uh, what? “Four wheeling,” I said with a puzzled look only face. She explained to me that this is what he likes to do. But, now she’s sick of it. OK, another example, if your man’s favorite restaurant is red lobster and seafood breaks you out into hives, this is not a time to be silent. Unless you don’t mind looking like a walking disease. And this is just to name a few.

Now you wonder what drew you to this person to begin with. Was it the fact that he was so different from us, the thrill of exploring new territory? Well, when the excitement wares off we start to resent him. So, why do we continue to settle for a life with a man who makes us miserable and is not even interested in getting to know the real you. We all have something about us that is exciting and unique. We have gifts and talents that are yet to be explored but, what good are they if we keep them hidden.

Ladies, we need to stop being afraid to live our lives the way we deserve from fear of losing our relationships. The men, who are looking for a step ford wife, wouldn't have any respect for you anyway. And there are men who genuinely want to get to know you and they don’t want to have to do all the work. It’s one thing to make compromises for your man as long as it’s a give and take. But, if you are always doing the things that he likes and letting him make all the decisions,then your self worth is lost. The men in our lives are supposed to love and appreciate our uniqueness. Usually, by the time you come to realize this, its already too late. Now you start to reveal your real personality and he doesn't know you anymore. He is like “what?” This by the way is not fair to him because you had been a stranger all this time. So he has a choice to accept this new you or pass. And if he don’t accept you, that means he just freed you up for the guy who will.

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